i (would) love (to kill) you

danceseizurezzz @ 2006-11-30T23:45:00

2006-12-01T07:45:26Z

i want to start off fresh

i got a new lj add it if you actually like reading my drama haha
srslymacetron
srslymacetron
srslymacetron
srslymacetron

233.

2006-11-29T08:46:46Z

srsly macetron: ... giovanni i love you still
srsly macetron: and i miss you so much
srsly macetron: i just wanted to tell you that
x1LIFEx1SHOTx: Thanks? Sry:-/

i'm just glad were talking again.

232.

2006-11-28T18:40:41Z

everyone is so wack

i don't get it? i didn't do anything wrong to half of these people that don't like me
i love how SOMEONE likes to talk about how HORRIBLE i am
and have everyone not talk to me anymore when we both EQUALLY did something wrong

he's happy with jena.. and all i want is to be with giovanni
but he stopped that from happening.. it's not fair
i deserve to be happy too.. he shouldn't care anymore who i talk to or what i do
but he's selfish.

i'm over all of this
all these stupid people that get involved

i have done nothing but give my heart to giovanni
he had all my attention all the time
i try filling this space where he use to be with other people
to kinda get my mind off him
but it doesn't work like that..
it just hurts. we can't talk.. he doesn't want to see me
he doesn't want to be with me
i thought he cared. i don't understand what i did wrong?
he's definatly changed.. well towards me anyways and i just miss the old him
i miss us and i miss being happy
i don't think he'll ever know how happy he made me or how much he meant to me

i've been through quiet a bit lately
i think i'm just going to lay low at the start of the new year
try to pull myself back together
and stay away from all these people that continuely hurt me
it's what i need to do.

231.

2006-11-27T22:57:02Z

you should know by now that i always get my way
and look i'm here to stay ;]

230.

2006-11-27T08:36:57Z

so my 4 day weekend turned out better than i thought it would be
- drive ins with amanda, tommy, luke, raya, & jay
- thanxgiving
- twin coming down and staying with me
- hanging out with jena, heather, and alex @ the mall and jenas house
- having everyone go to heathers last night and chill
- china panda
- fashion valley w/ joe, amanda, and tommy
- drinking weds, fri, & sat night
- planning for next sat
- seeing my love<3
- fixing things with jena
- bringing kitty back

tomorrow i'm going to all shall perish @ soma w/ alex
i'm still mad about gio
he's a dick now.. =[ he hangs out with all those chula vista assholes
the clmt kids are assholes too
haha everyones wack these days. whatever..

229.

2006-11-23T21:17:01Z

happy thanxgiving.

i'm thankful for
my 2 beautiful best friends amandagay and heather b
my twin brother joe
nicholas, tommy, landon, raya, alex and a bunch of others.
i'm thankful that i have awesome parents that care about me
and love me and my little brother who i'm thankful for also.
i'm thankful for all the luxuries i am able to have
myspace, music, good f00d, cable, indoor plumbing hahah

i hope everyone has a good holiday. =]

what an odd way of showing you still care?
it's not going to happen
i moved on.. just like i thought you did.

228.

2006-11-23T07:14:14Z

that was fucking low.

tonight was good until i got home =[

227.

2006-11-22T07:45:01Z

i was happy with tonight in the end.

i was really mad at first.. but i can't change things
it's just not going to work out.
i tried, i really did. who knows how many times? but i tried.
i'm giving up now because i just don't need this anymore
i'm not saying i don't care and i don't want to be with him
but theres nothing in my power i can do to change things.
it was all on him and like he made the decesion to not talk to me
i have to get over all of it now and not let it get me down.

i think i'm going to be okay... i should be use to this by now.

it was good seeing everyone again tonight
i miss all my boys in chula
and i'm glad people were there to support tommys band
and i got to hang out with the 3 most amazing girls i know ;]
i love my friends so much and i'm so blessed to have them<3

yeah.. i'm going to be fine. =]

226.

2006-11-21T06:48:23Z

woah srsly fuck my life

as if i didn't fucken predict it...
jason can't go to winter formal with me
too many people at his work have that day off
wtf!? why did he just figure this out now!?
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh
so i guess i don't have a date now. how gay =/
i'm not even going to go
that will just be embarrasing to go alone

just when i thought it couldn't get any shittier
i hope i die

225.

2006-11-20T08:27:45Z

i guess i'm giving up

it only took me 5 times to realize things are never going to change with us. it doesn't matter he could care less.. which kinda sucks. i'd do anything ANYTHING for that boy.. anything.. i don't get it? i guess i'm just not going to be good enough for anyone. i'm stupid to give everything i've got to someone who just wants to talk to blow me off for my friend. pfft TWICE this shit has happened not really the same situations but just the fact that guys tend to go for my friends.. pretty shitty huh? whatever we aren't even "allowed" to talk in the first place... i should have respected the wishes of people who don't fucken know me at all and want to tell me who i can and can not talk to?! pffft it's so funny how gabe can freely date whoever the fuck he wants but i'm not "allowed" to talk to the person i care about. none of this is making sense probably.. i'm just mad about everything. i'm tired of getting fucked over by every guy that walks into my life. and boys have came and gone and still i don't care about anyone but giovanni. but thats not going to work huh? nope guess not.

i really don't want to go to formal anymore i have a feeling my date is going to flake out on me, ditch me like every other guy has.. plus i'm just going to be in a bad mood the whole night.

it sucks that the two people i loved just stole my whole life from me? i honestly feel like i'm alone and have nothing and it's the shittiest feeling in the world

everything lately has been such a waste of my time
breathing is a waste of time.

224.

2006-11-19T04:25:12Z

what happened to the boy i use to know and love?
what about my "friends", the ones i thought would never leave my side?
what about myself? i've lost it all because of the decisions I made

everything happens for a reason i suppose
it's true that i wasn't really happy
but in the end i gave it all up to just be completely miserable
i guess the saying isn't everything happens for a good reason

oh yeah last night made me feel like shit
boys are wack
really fucking wack.

223.

2006-11-17T19:23:00Z

let the shitty ass weekend BEGIN YAY!

no ride tonight.. i want to hang out with alex but my family is fucking gay
proabably not going to groundzero tomorrow
cuz gabe and all his asshole friends are going to be there
and i don't feel comfortable going all by myself and having all them there
so now my whole weekend i get to sit in my fucken room

siqqq i fucken hate gabe
that kid needs to get a fucken life of his own and stay out of mine
and stop trying to ruin all that i have left
for his own shits and giggles... im fucken pissed

he ruined mine and my best friends friendship [more than one]
ruined the possibility of being with giovanni
ruined going to shows cuz he decided he wanted to start going again
ruined school for me i never go because i hate seeing him and jena
fuck him srsly he took everything i have

what an asshole >=|
i hate this shit fuck everyone.

222.

2006-11-17T06:14:31Z

[EDIT]
im keeping this shit public
if you don't like it then don't read it

~~LAST PUBLIC POST SINCE PEOPLE ARE LURKING MY SHIT...~~

yeah FUCK YOU ASSHOLES.
srsly stay the fuck out of my life
that means stop reading my livejournal
i deleted your ass cuz i don't give a fuck about you
so delete me
and i wasn't talking shit it's the fucken truth ACCEPT IT.

on a happier note i found my dress today it's cute i like it.

221.

2006-11-16T08:31:51Z

no calls tonight =[

i love you
i wish you felt the same
and our love could conquer over everything

one day...
i'm not ready to give up yet.

220.

2006-11-15T11:31:26Z

yeah jasons going with me to formal now =]
i'm pretty stoked on that actually
still haven't found a dress yet tho =/
i'll find one soon i hope.. sunday? maybe.

PADILLA MORS TUESDAY SO SW33T WITH THE SEVENTH SOLIDER YESSSSS!

i just talked to giovanni on the phone for like an hour and a half
it was nice... no one knows like how much i love that boy it's ridiculous.
he makes me so happy i just HOPE in the future we can be together.

hahha maybe if you would stop being such an ignorant cunt i wouldn't.
open your eyes, see all these lies

219.

2006-11-14T02:59:27Z

so last night i asked giovanni to formal
hahah pffft REJECTEDDDDD.
i understand tho.. this is just how it has to be
but it's really not fair at all. i wish so hard that things could be different just so i can be with him. it's really annoying how him and gabe are all buddy buddy now. everything about gabe is fake i wish some people were smart enough to see that.

i really only wanted to go with him tho..
so i guess i have to ask someone else =/
i kinda brought it up to jason.. i think he would want to go
it's just he wouldnt know for sure for like a while and i kinda need to figure it out cuz i don't want it to be all sketch and then when it comes around have him flake out on me and then have to ask someone else all last minute =/ so not down

i think joe and heather are going together..
that should be fun if i go with jason =]
and then tommy and amanda, it's gunna be dope
i hope everything works out

now i need to find a dress

218.

2006-11-12T20:12:56Z

over it.

i really need a date to winter formal

i wish things were different with giovanni =/
i miss him a lot and it sucks the way things are
i wish i meant as much to him as he does to me

217.

2006-11-11T06:45:59Z

over it.

216.

2006-11-10T00:10:27Z

x1LIFEx1SHOTx: macy u should just forget about me

too bad you're all i really care about
i wanted to mean everything to you
but this isn't right

215.

2006-11-09T20:16:11Z

w0w this probably shouldn't have came as a surprize

Lie for fun and fake the way I hold you
Let you fall for every empty word I say.

214.

2006-11-08T07:24:58Z

i miss giovanni

i want the butterflies in my stomache back when i see him calling
it's not fair... it's not fair.

213.

2006-11-06T05:52:11Z

well my weekend didn't go according to plan
but it still turned out pretty damn good if i do say so myself =]

friday: went to btbam with alex, hung out after @ dennys with everyone where i talked to gio finally again and hung out with stephen
saturday: did nothing all morning, hung out with amanda & raya at my house, went to daves w/ amanda and got drunk and acted retarded, got kicked out of rayas party with amanda and clmt boys and heather, went and hung out at my house with everyone, hung out with mb<3
sunday: went downtown w/ amanda & tommy and bought cute underwear, came home and sat on the computer, went clothes shopping with my mom and bought a jacket & a hoodie & a couple of shirts

i'm so excited for next weekend YAY!! =]

212.

2006-11-04T19:46:11Z

i'm done pretending

if you intended to hurt me well you've done a good job
you've accomplished your goal in every way possible

i've lost everyone i've ever cared about
i guess it was foolish of me to think they cared at all
where are you now?

211.

2006-11-03T04:50:42Z

this weekend and next are going to fucken r00l =D

tomorrow: btbam @ soma w/ cassie
saturday: chill w/ blake&michael, imperil show in san marcos, rayas?
next friday: no school, padilla mors&imperil @ soma, amandas party
saturday: more partying
sunday: more partying hahaha

s0o0o0o0o0o0o sw33t
man i r00l @ life ;]

210.

2006-11-01T16:15:49Z

i'm just having fun ;]